Ah, love. That wonderful, blissful feeling that can lift us off our feet or send us crashing to the earth in a sad, cowering form with our heart shattered in a million pieces.
Most of us were raised with Disney movies and romantic movies full of hot, passionate moments. While such fictional stories make for great entertainment, they fail to properly reflect reality.
It gives us an idealistic, Hollywood view of love and what love is supposed to be. Unfortunately, when reality fails to make the cut, people will usually split and give up on trying to make things work.
To begin to unravel the mysteries of romantic love, we need to first take a look at how it happens in the first place.
How do people fall in love? We’ve all heard of love at first sight, and while that may happen at times, it actually comes down to mutual vulnerability.
A study was done by some scientists on how people fall in love. They found that they could get people to fall in love in their lab.
Using a set of 36 questions and having the participants look into each others eyes for 2 to 4 minutes, they were able to dramatically accelerate the process of falling in love.
If you are hoping to get someone to fall for you, it’s possible this set of questions can help make that happen.
Of course, there are other considerations you need to make – I write about the relationship formula in my other article “Dating and Relationships: The 4 Keys to a Lasting Relationship“.
Part of building a relationship with someone is the ability to maintain eye contact. This is very challenging for most people with Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorder.
With some work and practice, you can dramatically improve your ability to maintain eye contact with people and converse with friends and strangers.
Work on boosting your confidence and reducing your anxiety. I write about ways you can reduce anxiety in “10 Powerful Ways to Lower Your Social Anxiety” and “10 Simple Ways to Immediately Lower Your Anxiety“.
Now that we addressed that, on to the questions…
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
- Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
While these questions are great for building trust and closeness with someone, they aren’t exactly practical for everyday conversation.
Your love interest may even be extremely disturbed if you try to conduct such an experiment on them.
The best strategy for using these powerful questions is to do it more naturally and in a comfortable location.
You could form your own questions based on these, and ask them over a period of time.
Or you could ask them if they want to play a game of truth with you, and you bring out the set of questions. Just remember to be playful about it.
Whatever you decide to do, the questions should be answered in person as you need the physical closeness and eye contact to establish a deep connection.
So what do you think? Have you tried them? Tell me in the comments below!
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Hi! I’m Lisa Anthony, the founder and editor of Life with Asperger’s.
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome when I was 29.
If you need help with anything, I’m here!